Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
