it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
