Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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