tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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