well you can't waste a boner
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
