I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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