On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
