I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
