I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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