We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
