Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
