Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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