she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
