the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
