I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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