3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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