I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
