smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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