Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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