I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
