Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The uberlube is also flammable
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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