i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
