DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
