ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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