just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
