After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
