I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
