Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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