i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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