I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
