Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
