no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You're my little dorito
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
time to smoke my breakfast
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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