you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm always down for nudity.
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