Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
