its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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