I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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