So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
