Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
