all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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