were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
