either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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