About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize