All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
