she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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