we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
