Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He better not be in your backpack
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
