just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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