I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
