biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
