I puked a lego.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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